Feb
06
Recently in the news, a certain book has taken the spot-light. And it has really got me thinking - What in the world? Are you kidding me??! It's the book by Lori Gottlieb called "Marry Him! The Case for Settling for 'Mr. Good Enough'". I have yet to read it (which i will), but apparently the book is written by a 40 something, single woman with two children who is advocating the settling for Mr. Good Enough. From what I understand, she says that women spend their best years being too picky, thinking they're too good for certain men and holding out for that "Mr. Right" we all know is out there. By the time women realize that that perfect, rich, attractive, thoughtful, smart man we've all spent years looking for doesn't exist, we're old and wrinkly and suddenly, "Mr. Good Enough" starts looking a ton better.Her prerogative is this: she is trying to save us, the 20-something's with overly high expectations, from wasting years on a figure of our imagination when we could realize with her help that we could an should "settle" (a word repeatedly used in the book) for Mr. Good Enough and find that he isn't so bad after all.
WHOA, right? All these years of being told to "never settle" "you're worth more than that" "he's not good enough for you" and now this? Are we supposed to take our check-list of what Mr. Right should have and chuck it, find the last 'dude' who slightly annoyed us by letting us foot the tab for that date a few weeks back, and marry him? Am I the only one who is thinking "um...."!?
Now, here's what I think. I read a little known article on Lori - in her past she was an amature import car model apparently? *this could easily be untrue but nonetheless...* So yeah, now that puts her story in a little more perspective. What kind of Mr. Right wants his Mrs. Right posing half naked on the hood of some Japanese sports car? Doubtful....
Compare it to car shopping: There he is, Mr. Right, shopping for that perfect Ferrari F150 - red leather seats, V8 engine, 500+hp all tucked under a pristine looking chasse unrivaled by most all other car manufacturers.
The salesman, dressed in a dashing suit, leads Mr. Right into the show room. There sits two Ferrari's, nearly identical, side by side. Mr. Right circles the first car and then the second and suddenly stands back, shocked when he notices the severe difference in the price of the two supposedly identical vehicles. He looks puzzles at the salesmen when he asks "Why would these two identical cars be so drastically priced?"
The salesman looks back at Mr. Right and says "Well, sir - you see, the first car has been well-maintained and is in pristine condition. It has had only one owner, has been garaged-kept and has a perfectly clean track record."
"Ok, but..." Mr. Right responsed, "the cars look exactly the same!"
"Yes, sir, they do - but you see, the cheaper car has not been well kept. It has over 50K miles and has been not been garage kept. I think it has belonged to 3 different people before it was repossessed by the bank. We cannot possibly charge as much for this car. It just isn't as nice."
Mr. Right has been presented with a choice: to settle for the cheaper car or to pay up for the nice ride... despite the fact they look the same. Let's see what would happen to Mr. Right had he chosen the used, cheaper ferrari.
Mr. Right loves the car, and for such a cheap price, who wouldn't?! The same amount of people give him looks as he cruises by in his exotic ride. He is the 'it man'. A while passes and he begins to notice that the wipers need replacing - I mean, what would you expect for a car that wasn't garage kept. A minor set back, and so he goes on. A few weeks later he soon realizes the tread is nearly worn out on the tires. Ugh, a pricey set back but it must be fixed. Two months later and Mr. Right has HAD it with this piece of junk! He notices that ding on the door (how could he have missed that in the show room!?), the small scratches on the bumper and rash on the wheels, and what the heck is causing that noise from engine bay?! He takes it directly to the shop.
"Um, Mr. Right" says the shop technician, "did you not look up the carfax report on this car before you bought it?"
"Well, um... no." he replies sheepishly. "It was just so striking, i thought it'd be perfect.... but I guess not, right?"
"The report shows numerous accidents on the title. The passengers door had to be repainted 6 months ago. There's a small tear in the leather. It had been involved in a fender bender and the fact it hasn't been garage kept has done a number on the engine's compartments," says the technician somewhat wearily. "Your best bet is too get this car off your hands before it depreciates any more."
Mr. Right had just wasted a ton of cash on a car he now thinks of with disdane.
Now let's see what would have happened had Mr. Right choisen the more expensive of the two cars.
Mr. Right looks at the salesman and without hesitation says "I'll take the well-kept one, regardless of the price. Afterall, this is one of the biggest purchases of one's life, no? Not something you want to "settle" for."
Years later, and Mr. Right couldn't be happier with his purchase. The car runs great, and still looks immaculate, thanks to the care of the previous owner. It is truly a match made in heaven.
Now in this example, the cheaper car was the girl who looks the part but can't act it. She has had numerous failed relationships and even more baggage. High-maintainance and costly, this chick is a line item on Mr. Right's budget before he even get's his chance to enjoy her. In the end, she'll leave Mr. Right with a huge bill and little to show for it.
The expensive Ferrari is that girl who held out for Mr. Right - the chick that turned down more dates with the Mr. Good Enough's then she went on. Hardly used, few owners, and low-mileage - this chick is the full package. She has conditioned herself to be independent and loving, never asking for too much. She's the girl most men only dream of - those men being the "good enoughs".
Or is she? What do you think? I've been thinking about this for some time. In conclusion, I'll not be lowering my standards and "settling" for Mr. Good Enough. A good though from Lori, but I'm being honest when I say I'd rather be single than with someone I felt I had to compromise for. Wouldn't that feeling of settling for someone be a constant weight on one's relationship?
I could only imagine the thoughts of "I could have done better..." or "I should have waited..." when arguments and disagreements come about. But hey, I coul totally be off my rocker. To each his own :)
hahaha, I love the Ferrari comparison!
This Lori person. Shut up. I will not be settling either.
Great post!
I don't condone settling at all but I do think that some of my girl friends are way too picky when it comes to dating men. I haven't read the book she wrote, so I can't exactly comment on that either.
What I think is that a lot of women in their 20's value things that are not going to be important in the long run (looks, money, status). The most important thing to me is that someone is willing to work on themselves.
I know so many good guys that would make great husbands but my girl friends won't date then because they aren't lawyers or doctors. Not to say they don't have jobs, in fact they work for non-profits or schools, they just don't have high paying jobs. So, again, I'm not saying settle, but figure out what is exactly important... you know? There's my two cents.
Although I was lucky enough to find "Mr. Right" at an early age--been married 3 1/2 years--I know that if I had not have found him, I would MUCH rather live with the hope that a person perfect for me was out there than be miserable with the wrong one that I settled for!